


All these dying days.

by CALLEN37



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-07
Updated: 2012-10-07
Packaged: 2017-11-15 20:03:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/531170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CALLEN37/pseuds/CALLEN37
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Callen is Blown up and missing will he find his way home? Will he figure out who he can trust?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kensi was sitting at her desk biting her bottom lip and frowning, Deeks looked across at her worriedly it wasn't like her to be so quiet.

"What's up?" he asked twice before her got a reaction.

"HUH!" she jumped about 2 feet when she realized she was being spoken too

"Are you ok?" he got up and walked over to her desk.

She sat back in her chair and looked up at him "Marty do you ever get the feeling like something bad is going to happen?" , This threw him not so much because of the question but the fact she had looked at him and called him Marty instead of Deeks. Figuring this to be a serious question he took a chair and sat down before he answered.

"Sometimes," he replied truthfully "but it's pretty much a given with the job description isn't it?" He looked at her to see whether or not she would take it as it was meant seriously or if she would think he was blowing her off.

"Umm?" She said "maybe it's just me, I don't know, something feels off today"

Deeks smiled "Womens intuition eh Fern!"

She laughed and playfully punched him in the shoulder.

At that Sam walked in and sat down putting his coffee on the desk "Did I Miss something funny?" he asked

"Fern's got women's intuition" Deeks grinned as Sam looked over at them both. Well at least they're not fighting he thought.

"Hey don't knock it" Sam said, "It's saved your life a few times".

"Good point" Kensi stated.

Deeks laughed and went to get himself a coffee.

"So..." Sam started to ask. Kensie just rolled her eyes at him; "It's nothing, OK!" she was inwardly annoyed with herself for letting this feeling get out of control to the point where she had even mentioned it.

Sam looked towards the sofa, on finding it empty, he turned back to Kensie "G still on assignment?"

"Yeah I think so I haven't heard anything." She said still not being able to shake the feeling in her gut.

Hetty came walking past them "Mr. Hanna, Ms Blye, could you locate Mr. Deeks and come to Ops please?" Kensi and Sam looked at each other worriedly and Kensie went to get Deeks whilst Sam headed to Ops.

Eric and Nell were sat at their stations, frantically locating different pieces of data that would help explain something that they both felt they never, ever wanted to have to tell them, and both hoping that they were wrong.

Sam, Kensi and Deeks leant against the table and waited whilst Hetty checked a few facts with Eric.

Eric looked at Hetty and nodded, Sam could see the weariness in his face which contrasted completely with the surfer boy look he had going on. The look on Eric's face made Sam's gut clench.

"OK" Eric started, "As you know Callen has been undercover working with the Russians to try to find out who has been selling HMX on the black market and where they have been getting it from."

"HMX?" Deeks asked puzzled.

Nell Jones stood up which, because of her size didn't make much of a difference from her sitting down, but when she started talking, the room fell silent.

"High-velocity Military Explosive," She took a deep breath and explained, "HMX is the common name for cyclotetramethylene-tetranitramine. It is used as a detonator in Nuclear Weapons." She paused and looked at the people in the room, watching the information sink in. "It's also used as a solid rocket propellant and in the manufacture of amour piercing shaped charges."

Eric stood up and took over from Nell seamlessly, as if they were one person. "Anyway G. Found a way in and was supposed to go to a meet today with back up from the CIA"

Sam bristled with anger, "Why wasn't I told about this, I should be there to watch his back!"

"Mr. Hanna it was a joint operation with the CIA they only requested Mr. Callen as his rather unique skill set was needed and this was supposed to be a quick in and out job, Callen was to pick up the names and then get back for a debriefing" Hetty said.

Sam's gut tightened even further as he asked the one question he didn't want to "Supposed to?"

"There was a complication "Hetty said keeping her voice even although both Sam and Kensi could see a glint of tension in her face.

"What happened?" Kensi asked

"He was meant to meet with a Russian Arms dealer, but the Dealer sent someone else in his place and He knew Callen from his past." Hetty took a breath to steady herself and Eric jumped in. "we have footage from a nearby traffic camera it's not the best angle but..."

"Show it" Sam demanded.

They all looked up at the Screen to see Callen and a CIA operative standing at a car with a briefcase full of money and a Russian Thug getting out of his jeep. The Russians eyes widened and he pulled a gun on Callen and the CIA operative. Callen staggered as he was shot in the shoulder and the CIA operative was shot in the head and went down. Just as other CIA personnel showed up, there was a huge explosion and the van with the HMX in blew up, Callen was blasted towards the Russians and the camera screen went dark.

"Where is he?" Sam asked

"We don't know, two minutes later the place was crawling with CIA Callen was gone, as were the Russians. We don't know where he is or even if he's alive." Eric stated simply.

His head hurt and it was dark. Then the man realized that his shoulder and back hurt too.

He tried opening his eyes a little and he tried to focus on where he was, and the annoying rhythmic beeping that was starting to sound a little too loud in his head.

A doctor looked down at him.

" _How are you feeling?_ " the doctor asked

" _Head hurts_ " the man said and then realized he was speaking Russian.

" _What's your name?"_  The doctor asked him

" _I...I don't know?"_  The panic started" _Why don't I know? Who am I?"_

" _It's alright, just rest I will give you something for the pain"_ The doctor said, the other man shut his eyes and fell asleep again.

The Doctor walked out of the room and walked over to an important looking man in a suit, who was smoking a rather large cigar knowing that no one would dare tell him to put it out.

" _Boris?"_ The Doctor waited, real fear crossing his face.

" _Well how is our Mr. Callen?_ " Boris Ivanovitch looked at the doctor, a man Boris had grown up with and he considered his best friend, he grinned to himself that despite that closeness his friend still held the right amount of fear of him as Boris deemed appropriate for his situation.

" _He will heal, but he has amnesia_." The doctor informed him.

" _Will this impact on my plan?"_  Boris asked. He hoped not as he had waited many years to get his hands on this CIA spy who had destroyed his life, and finding this happy coincidence he didn't want to lose his chance at revenge.

" _If you are still determined to do this then no, the drugs we introduced will help wipe any remaining memory he has. He should be hooked by the end of the day, and by the time he heals he will be your adopted son in his heart and mind."_ The doctor shuddered. Even for Boris this was a particularly cruel plan. The doctor's job was to heal the poor man in the room behind him, not to place him in a new family with a new identity designed to destroy him completely when Boris took his revenge.

Boris smiled in such a way as to make the doctors blood run cold as he looked at the battered and bruised body of Callen lying asleep in the hospital bed.

 


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a week and Sam looked like he hadn't slept for any of it.

He watched as Hetty paced in her office having what looked like a very animated phone call with the director of the CIA.

"That is unacceptable," she paused and sat down feeling very tired, "I know that but my people should be able to handle it." Sam was worried Hetty normally never looked defeated by anything, and it was a look he had seen too often in the past week. "Very well, but my team will continue looking into the disappearance of Mr. Callen, if we have any pertinent information we will keep you apprised."

Deeks walked into the bullpen followed by Kensi they had spent all morning running down contacts but not really getting much, so feeling disheartened they sat at their desks.

"Anything?" Sam asked hopefully.

Deeks shook his head, "Nope." Then he dropped his head into his arms on the desk.

"It's Crazy...We know he's not dead... he can't be the CIA didn't find a body, "Kensi groaned, "He should have checked in!"

Suddenly Eric Whistled from outside Ops. "I think I may have something!" He said.

Two minutes later they were up in Ops and Eric started the briefing.

"I've been working on the assumption that Callen is alive but he can't contact us." He stopped to make sure he had everyone's attention, "I started looking into traffic that was coming into and out of the area near the camera that caught the footage of the explosion and found an extra SUV that was out of shot of the original camera." Eric tapped his Ipad and the same scene was shown from a different vantage point. A black SUV with tinted windows was just off in the right hand corner and just after the explosion two men jumped out and took the Russian man and Callen and bundled them into the back of the SUV and drove off.

Sam looked up finally a lead "Did you manage to track the SUV?" he asked really hoping it wasn't another dead end, he found he was actually holding his breath waiting for the answer.

"Yes," Eric said and proceeded to show footage of the traffic cameras following the SUV as it headed to the PCH and off into the hills "From what surveillance footage we obtained he was held here for a few days" Eric explained "Although current surveillance shows the building to be abandoned."

"So we've lost them again?" Kensi snapped.

"Not exactly," Nell Jones said as she turned around and pulled up some more information "We managed to trace the SUV to a shell company owned by the Russian mobster Boris Ivanovitch, according to his CIA file he has had run ins with Callen in the past."

Hetty stepped in which surprised the others as they hadn't realized she was there. "While working for the CIA worked undercover for 2 years in Serbia as Alec Boysyuk a Ukrainian Arms dealer and became a close confidante of Mr. Ivanovitch. Things went bad during the operation and Mr. Callen was pulled out and Boris Ivanovitch got away but he did swear revenge on Mr. Callen so if He has him..." Hetty trailed off. She didn't need to say anything else the implications were clear. Whatever Boris Ivanovitch had planned for Callen none of it was very good.

Hetty turned to Sam "The CIA raided the building on the footage this morning. The building was empty but they found this." They all looked at the footage of the morning's raid and Kensi gasped as she saw a hospital bed with blood soaked linen. "Looks like someone was hurt bad." She breathed not realizing she had said it out loud

"Let's Hope it wasn't G." Sam stated.

Boris walked into the bedroom as the curtains were drawn to reveal a stunning view of the ocean and Callen carefully sat up in a bed easily big enough to fit five people comfortably.

"How did you sleep Alec?" Boris asked kindly.

"As well as can be expected" Callen replied. He winced as he leaned over to take some painkillers holding on with one hand to his bandaged ribs.

"More nightmares?" Boris looked carefully at Callen to see if there was any deception on his face as he waited for Callen's answer

Callen cast his eyes down looking more like a petulant teenager than a grown man "Yes Papa a few mostly about a large African American."

"You don't remember him." It was a statement more than a question.

Callen carefully shook his head. Boris sighed and sat on the edge of Callen's bed. "His Name is Sam Hanna; He killed your mother years ago that is why Olga brought you to live with me." Boris waited for another sign of recognition but again nothing he smiled to himself Sergei had done a brilliant job with him, it was a pity he had had to kill him, but he didn't like loose ends.

Callen looked at Boris inquisitively and wondered why the man he thought of as his father was smiling.

Damn, Boris realized what Callen was thinking and quickly changed the subject, "Svetlana will be here later."

Callen looked blank "who?"

"Your wife she's just been out shopping with Olga." Boris smiled Svetlana was one of his girls whom he had enough of a hold over to know she would go along with his scheme and he knew right now they were furnishing a small apartment to make it look as if they had live there for years. Boris new this was an elaborate scheme with photo shopping pictures to make them look as if Callen... NO Alec had been in all of them and that he had been married to Sveta for 3 years. He turned back to Alec and thought I have to think of him as Alec or this won't work and he smiled. "You can go home today, isn't that wonderful and I will see you back to work on Monday."

"Yes it will be good to get back to work" Callen thought and had a brief flash of a strange office in a Spanish style building. He dismissed the image for he had worked all over the world for his father and he had met Sveta in Madrid. He relaxed thinking how good it would be to see her when it hit him he didn't know what she looked like!

"Papa I can't remember what she looks like!" He said

"You have a photo in your wallet son you always keep it with you." Boris said pleased with himself that he had planned for just such and eventuality.

Callen took out the photo and looked at the beautiful blonde haired brown eyed woman who had her arm lovingly around Callen's waist. Both of them were smiling and looked like they didn't have a care in the world. Callen held the picture closed his eyes and went back to sleep as the painkillers finally took effect.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Callen awoke as a beautiful blond woman kissed his forehead. " _Alec_?" she whispered looking concerned " _Are you feeling any better_?"

"Kens...?"Callen said. He stopped he didn't know where that had come from; he frowned trying to collect his thoughts. Sveta grabbed his face and turned it towards her and smiled with a trace of worry flitting across her eyes " _Silly it's me._ " She kissed him lightly and he fell back into the kiss remembering that it was Sveta and she was his wife. To him it felt unusual but he shook the thought off figuring it was another symptom of his amnesia, after all she was his wife and he didn't want to worry her more than necessary.

Sveta sat on the edge of the bed " _your father says you can come home today, I know you don't remember our house but he hopes that you will gain your memory back when you see it_." There was a brief look of sadness in her eyes which he put down to the fact she thought it would be hard living with him whilst he regained his memory. The real reason was she actually felt sorry for the man she was looking at for she knew some of what Boris Ivanovitch had in store for him.

" _Sorry Sveta hun, "_ Callen hugged her, and again it felt wrong. But he didn't totally dislike it.

He slowly got up and let her help him to the bathroom where he looked in the mirror for the first time in 3 weeks.

As he looked at himself he said his name aloud "Alec Boysyuk." It felt strange on his tongue but also a bit familiar so it must be his name. He felt stupid for questioning it after all Boris had never lied to him before and he had remembered his name the first time he saw him.

He thought back to the day he woke up three weeks ago in that hospital room, when his 'father' had walked in on him.

" _Alec? ...Alec how are you son?"_  Boris asked his voice full of concern.

" _Boris Ivanovitch_?" He knew the man's name but not his own?

" _You remember me son_?" the mans face instantly light up into a smile but there had been a glint of something else in his eye Callen had put it down to worry after all he had been told his adopted father was due to come in to see him and then take him home to recuperate.

" _I remembered your name and the doctor told me mine_." Callen had said.

" _It's good you remember my name can you remember who I am_?" he'd asked

" _Yes the doctor tells me you're my adopted father_ " Callen replied

" _Yes do you remember what happened to you_?" Boris had asked hoping he couldn't remember

Callen had gingerly shook his head, and then closed his eyes making a mental note not to do that again for a while as the pain washed over him.

He dropped his shoulders and took a deep breath and looked at the older man who was lent over him, " _No, I remember a loud bang but nothing else_." He admitted

Boris put a comforting hand on Callen's shoulder " _it's alright son, you were working for me. You were to sell a shipment of HMX to our business partners and we were interrupted by the CIA, who tried to kill you by blowing up one of our vans_." He looked at Callen intently there were a few flashes of recognition but luckily the doctors drug was stronger which meant that Callen would right now accept anything he was told as truth. Besides Boris said to himself if this was going to work he needed to be close enough to the truth that if there were any flashes of memory it could be twisted to suit his needs.

Over the next few days Boris like a dutiful and concerned father had visited and filled Callen in on his life as Alec Boysyuk and shown him pictures and other items to 'help' jog his memory and with every visit Callen's affection for the old man had deepened.

For some reason he couldn't have put into words even if he had wanted to Callen needed to know about his family but he was worried about upsetting the old man. One day though he just had to ask " _Papa_?" He said to Boris like he had been told to call him, " _I need to know why was I adopted, and who were my real parents_?" He looked worried and Boris was waiting for just this question.

" _Alec, you were 15 when you came to live with me. Your Father was my dearest friend and business partner his name was Dimitri. Your mothers name was Anya and she had your eyes._ " Boris smiled sadly " _Your parents were killed by CIA spies who were trying to infiltrate our organization_."

Callen washed his face and looked again in the mirror, taking in the bruises that were healing and the cut on the back of his head was healing up nicely. " _Alec, Come on honey we need to pack and get you home I think you've had enough of your mothers cooking."_  Sveta laughed as Callen picked her up and threw her on the bed and smiled at her. " _I will never get enough of my mothers cooking_." He joked and kissed her.

Half an hour later he had his arms around his mother " _mama! I'll be fine I have Sveta to take care of me_ " Callen said as the old lady was sobbing into his arms. Boris put his arm around his wife, " _She'll be fine son, Go, I will talk to her._ "

Callen got in the passenger seat of their black Jeep with tinted windows of bulletproof glass and Sveta drove them home.

" _Boris?_ " Said Olga with tears in her eyes " _I know why you must do this but I did enjoy having a son again for a while_."

" _Olga,_  "he admonished gently " _Remember our Vladimir, our Son. This man killed him and I will destroy him just as he destroyed us_."

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Everyone in the building stopped as they realized that Sam Hanna had just yelled at Hetty.

Hetty put down her cup of tea and looked up at Sam, "Sit down Mr. Hanna" Her voice was calm but there was a tone there that made Sam wish that he hadn't just had that outburst. He sat and waited feeling a bit like a naughty schoolboy who had been sent to the principal.

Hetty kept her voice low as she talked but there was a fury behind her eyes that wasn't aimed at Sam but the situation in general, "I have not and will never abandon Mr. Callen" she paused Sam opened his mouth and then closed it again thinking better of it. Hetty continued "Mr. Callen is still our top priority but until we find another lead we do have other cases that I have been farming out to other agencies. It is time we started picking up some other cases."

Sam had to admit that she was right it had been over 2 months now and there had been no sign of Callen. They had exhausted ever avenue they could think of in tracking him down. They had even had Boris Ivanovitch in and had turned over his company but still there was no sign of Callen and although Boris freely admitted that he knew Callen but that he hadn't seen him in years and without any more evidence they hadn't been able to hold him.

Sam stalked off to his desk. Deeks glanced in Sam's direction "So do we need the paramedics, or are you gonna live". Kensi slapped Deeks around the back of the head "You know she's right" Kensi argued nodding in Hetty's direction and hoping to diffuse the situation. Sam sighed and leaned back in his chair "I know" he hated having to admit it but there were no leads right now and maybe a lead would come there way but there really was nowhere they could go right now.

Deeks rubbed the back of his head mournfully but at least this time he knew what he had done wrong, but at least he had diffused the tension, which is exactly what Nate had asked him to do. He looked up towards the balcony, where the operational psychologist leaned nonchalantly against a post, silently observing the team's dynamics. It was imperative the team returned to peak condition but the absence of Callen had thrown the team off balance. Hetty looked in Nate's direction and motioned for him to come to her office.

"Mr. Getz how do you think our team are coping?" she asked.

"I think they are coping. But that's it; they are stuck without Callen to lead them." Nate said honestly. Hetty nodded she had feared as much, "Do you think a substitute for Mr. Callen would be a good idea." Nate smiled at the way Hetty had sidestepped the word replacement but he was concerned that even she seemed reluctant to get someone in to fill his position and told her so.

"You need to get someone to temporarily replace Callen, but make sure that the others understand that you're not replacing him". Nate told Hetty "I understand that it's hard but Sam needs a partner." He said.

"I already have a partner, "Sam snapped making Nate jump as he hadn't heard Sam come up behind him. Nate backed away a little realizing that Sam was trying to make himself seem intimidating but Nate didn't want a confrontation. "I know but you are shorthanded until he gets back" Nate reasoned. Sam nodded , He knew Nate was right and the team couldn't keep functioning long term with only three members, it needed a fourth but Sam was sure that whoever came into this group would damn well know they were only temporary there was no way he'd allow anyone to replace G long term.

Hetty gave Sam a stack of files and Sam went over to see if there was anyone inside them that would even come close to filling G's shoes, but somehow he doubted it.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Mike Renko walked into the OSP. It had been a while since he had been there and he knew he would ruffle a few, well, more than a few feathers, seeing as it had not been on the best of terms with some of the staff when he had left. But he also knew he was back only as a temporary replacement for Callen. He walked over to Hetty's desk and wasn't surprised to find she was in at 6.30 in the morning.

"Mr. Renko welcome back." Hetty said looking up from her desk.

"Hetty." Renko wondered if he would get a warm welcome from the rest of the team, "any word on Callen?" he asked, He knew Callen and had liked him the few times he had worked with him.

"All avenues are being followed, but nothing yet" Hetty replied. Renko nodded and walked over to the coffee machine, made himself a cup, then walked over towards Callen's desk, picked up a handful of files , looked at Callen's chair, then went and sat on the sofa instead. He figured it would cause less tension if the team came in and found him on the sofa rather than sitting in Callen's chair.

About 20 minutes later Kensi and Deeks walked in with Deeks holding a box of doughnuts at arms length "At least let them make it to the break room before you eat them all!" Deeks joked with his partner as Kensi tried to take the box out of his hands. They came back both with coffee and Kensi with a doughnut and stopped as they saw the guy on the sofa.

Kensi felt a lump in her throat, just for a second she had thought that it was Callen on the sofa and found herself getting mad, just because it wasn't, but she knew who it was. "Renko..." she said quietly. Deeks looked at Kensi; her tone was a mixture of fury, hurt and surprise.

"Hey kens," Mike smiled, he had genuinely missed her, and he got up and went over to hug her.

Kensi stepped back her arms folded, "So they got you in did they?" She decided he may be back but she wasn't going to let him in, not again. They had, had their thing and she had been crushed when he had left and there was no way she would ever go back there again.

"Hey, Mike" Sam said walking up behind them, "you got settled in"

"Just need a desk Sam." Renko replied. Sam pulled out Callen's chair. "Sit." Sam said, that was all he needed to say. Mike took the chair and sat down. Kensi looked at Sam still slightly hurt but understood what he was doing, Renko was filling in for Callen and that was it.

"Er...Hi, I'm Marty Deeks." Deeks said as he introduced himself to Renko when it became apparent that no one else was going to.

Mike smiled; he actually liked this guy, "Mike Renko. Am I right in thinking your not OSP?"

Marty laughed, "Yeah L.A.P.D. liaison."

"But he is part of our team" Kensi stated and in her way letting Mike know he wasn't part of the team.

Eric let out a loud whistle from Op's and the team started walking up the stairs.

Mike followed with a grin on his face thinking how well 'trained' the team must be that they come when Eric whistled.

"Hey Mike," Eric greeted him as he walked in then turned to Nell, "Nell Jones – Mike Renko" Nell smiled at him.

"What you got?" Sam asked.

"Marines in San Diego have been buying up heroin from a crack house on south 27th street," Eric briefed the team, " Staff Sergeant Jason Kelly was killed there this morning while trying to buy guns and possibly drugs at the same time. Local Cops busted a kid name of Tyson who says there are some pretty big players operating out of this building. We have been requested to come in and take over."

"Info has been sent to your phones," Nell said "The Narcotics squad are planning a raid there this afternoon and have requested you guys go in with them."

Eric stood up so he had the whole team's attention, "We think this may have something to do with the case Callen was working on, so there may be some leads."

Sam's jaw clenched "Right." He said and they headed off.

Callen looked over at the sleeping form of his wife. He was still amazed that even though he had needed to start from scratch in the relationship, just how easy it had been for him to fall for her again. He moved and groaned his head hurt, he was annoyed with himself how easy it had been for him to become addicted to heroin but at least, he reasoned, it gave it a release from the nagging doubts that kept plaguing him, the worries he had that things weren't quite right, little things that just seemed off to him. His father knew of course that he was taking drugs, but seemed to be ok with it, like he was even, happy that his Alec was using. Callen shook his head besides Sveta used and it seemed easier getting high together than him just watching her.

Callen grabbed a syringe and tied the plastic tubing round his arm and shot up, laying his head back and closing his eyes, revelling in the image of the beautiful woman with long dark hair who haunted his dreams. He had no idea who she was, but inside he knew she was important. The weird thing was that she also haunted his nightmares with the African American man who kept calling him G.

Sveta got up and untied the tubing from around Callen's arm checked his pupils to make sure he was out of it and then walked to the phone.

"Boris." She said as the phone was answered, "No, He's high again, so we can talk." She smiled and was quite proud of herself shooting up water and getting Callen to think it was Heroin so he would get hooked. She knew this was an integral part of Boris' plan so Callen would stay off kilter and there would be no chance that he would regain his memory soon.

"I need to move this forward." Boris told her, "I want Alec to shoot his old partner Sam Hanna,"

"I will set up an exchange of information on HMX with the NCIS team you need to make sure Alec knows that the man from his nightmares will be there and I want him dead, we know Alec will do anything to protect his 'Papa' so let him know that word has gotten out that Sam Hanna has been given orders to kill me."

"I'll tell him," Sveta said quietly, Boris noticed the change in attitude and scoffed "Don't tell me you are developing feelings for him?"

"No!" Sveta said a little too forcefully, "no of course not. But I need to know when this is all over my debt to you is paid in full and I can leave. Right?"

"Certainly my dear." Boris replied and put down the phone, Right after you're dead he thought to himself.

Sveta put the phone down and walked into the bathroom, she picked up the stick that was on the counter and looked at it, sat down and cried.

"Alec," she called gently waking him up, "I need to talk to you."

Callen sat up groggily rubbing his eyes, "What's wrong honey are you ok?"

"No, Yes...I..." She showed him the stick, "I'm pregnant," She said fearfully.

Callen smiled and put his arms around her, "Even though I can't remember my past at least we can build a new future, but we need to get clean for the baby."

Sveta nodded and sobbed in his arms, she was terrified that if he got his memory back he would leave her and the baby and she had to admit it she did have feelings for him.

They got up and went to the living room Callen sat Sveta down on the Sofa and went to get a drink. He sat at the kitchen table cleaning his gun a task that always seemed to relax him whilst Sveta told him of the phone call she had , had with Boris whilst he was asleep, well most of the phone call anyway.

"I can't go..." Callen said a whole bunch of 'what if's' started running around in his head, What if he lost his memory and forgot her again, what if he was arrested and couldn't see her what if he died.

She put her arms around him "Alec, everything that happens, happens for a reason. Everything will be ok, just remember I love you". He lent his head back just relaxing in the warmth of her arms for a moment he was safe.

The moment didn't last long though as a loud crash came from the main doors to the apartment complex downstairs there was gunfire and shouting.

The door opened and a young man ran in "ALEC!" he shouted "Cops you must run."

Callen looked over at Sveta stricken he didn't want to leave her, he ran over to grab her hand when he heard the voice from his nightmares

"NCIS FREEZE!"

 


	5. Chapter 5

"NCIS... FREEZE" Sam yelled and pointed his gun with Renko behind him sweeping the room. His eyes went wide as they locked on Callen's. He lowered his gun "G?" he said.

"NO!" Sveta pulled a gun and stood in front of Callen trying to shield him from them. Mike Renko saw the gun, pulled his own and shot her.

Callen, a thousand thoughts going through his head, grabbed for her as she went down. In an instant she knew he was dead and backed up from her tears rolling down his face, then he looked at Sam and his expression changed to abject terror he grabbed the gun off the table and bolted, jumping through a window onto a low flat roof and just ran.

Sam jumped through the window to follow but lost him in the maze of alleyways that were behind the building. He got on the phone "Eric, I need surveillance, I found Callen and just lost him he's running "

"Running?" Eric asked confused

"Just get me that satellite feed, I won't lose him again" Sam stated as he went back into the building.

Mike was bent over Sveta. "She's dead." He said

Sam looked around the room, he saw Callen's clothes lying around and drug paraphernalia all over the place, "What the hell was going on here? He wasn't being held prisoner so why didn't he come back?"

"We'll ask him when we find him" Renko replied.

Sam picked up a syringe "Was he doing drugs? I don't get it he's afraid of needles?"

Callen ran.

All he felt was terror. The man from his nightmares was real; he'd called him 'G'. Sveta and their baby were dead. He knew this as fact, he'd watched the light leave her eyes and any hope of a future leave with it.

His body ached, the need for another hit coursed through him and the need for oblivion, for just one moment to go back to this morning when all had been all right with his world.

He found himself on a street where there were lots of people and saw Jimmy a small-time dealer who worked for his father. He pulled Jimmy into an alleyway, Jimmy realized who it was and smiled "Hey Alec...What's wrong?"

"I need..." Callen couldn't breathe as pain racked through him and he realized the bullet that had killed Sveta was lodged in his side, and he was bleeding.

"God! Alec!" Jimmy Gasped "What the fuck happened to you man?"

"Sveta's dead, I need a hit Jimmy are you holding?" Callen begged

"Sure, boss" Jimmy knew it was more than his life was worth to cross Alec.

He gave Callen what he was holding and grabbed his arm "Alec you should go to your father."

"No!" Callen started "It's not safe I won't lose another set of parents, not again!"

Callen took a burn phone off of Jimmy "Call Boris, Give him this number, Tell him...Tell him about Sveta." He begged then took off running.

With all the thoughts going around in his head Callen thought he was going insane, he needed somewhere safe, somewhere to hide, Somewhere to think. A place popped into his head the beach, he headed in that direction with no idea why he thought that was a safe place to go but instinct sent him in that direction anyway.

Sam ran up the stairs towards Ops "ERIC!" he yelled not wanting to slow down

Eric jumped out of his seat and practically collided with Sam "Shit!" Eric said "What?"

Mike was 2 steps behind him with Kensi and Deeks on his tail.

"Did you find him?" Sam asked knowing he didn't need to clarify who the 'him' was.

"Yeah, I got him on a traffic cam about an hour ago at the corner of beach drive and Manhattan talking to some guy." Do we have a name on him, "Yeah Jimmy Macy, He's a low rent thug and heroin dealer?"

"What would Callen want with him?" Kensi wondered.

Eric zoomed in on the pictures and they saw Callen taking the Heroin and a phone from Jimmy then running towards the beach.

"Can we get GPS on that phone?" Sam asked

"It's a burn phone but maybe...?" Eric trailed off as his fingers worked their usual magic on the keyboard. "Got him He's under the pier at the end of Beach drive."

"Bring him home Mr, Hanna," Hetty said and they all headed off.

They parked up by the pier and Kensi and Deeks went one way and Mike and Sam went the other way.

Callen was slowly coming down off his last high the syringe lying next to him and he still had the rubber tubing tied round his arm, he was curled in a ball with his gun in his hand just trying to make his thoughts straight.

Images he couldn't place were flooding his brain. There was that girl with the long brown hair and a nice smile, then there was the African American man, his terror of him was real, but there were pictures in his head that he couldn't place, images of the same man laughing, and images of a young man with blond hair, standing with the other two in a room with computers.

Then there was Sveta... His Sveta and his baby... His Papa...And Mama? ...He WAS Alec...wasn't he...?

Boris got the call from Jimmy along with another call from the little snitch at the apartment block where he had set Callen up.

A cold smile swept across his face. Good soon his plan would come to fruition all he needed was to put Callen in a position where he would betray or even better kill his friends and then Boris would turn on him, tell him the truth and leave him broken and wanted for the murder of his fellow agents, it was almost too good to be true.

Jimmy had told him where to find Callen and he headed off down there straight away, after all he didn't want the agents finding him first, no, that would be disastrous.

Boris Called Callen on the burn phone.

" _Alec? Are you ok son?"_ He asked as Callen picked up the phone

" _They've found me. The guy from my nightmare he was there I'm under the pier on Huntingdon beach. Come get me PLEASE!"_ Callen sobbed down the phone.

Boris smiled now it was time for him to be there to watch as Callen betrayed his team and Boris would finally get his revenge for his son.

Callen dropped the phone and closed his eyes; He curled up into a ball and prayed the whole world would go away.

On top of the pier, Mike and Sam, Deeks and Kensi all pulled up at the top of the pier. "OK, "Sam said "Kensi, Deeks you go down this side." He pointed to the left. "Mike your with me." They went down the right hand side of the Pier.

It was dank and cold under the pier, there were old crates piled up and a few homeless shelters set up here and there. Callen was tucked up behind some crates when he heard them coming. His breath hitched coming in faster spurts and his eyes widened. He back himself into a corner trying to make himself as small as possible when he realised there was no way out. He looked at his gun, there was a full clip, and this made him feel a bit better if only he could hold out till help arrived.

"G!" Sam called worried that his partner was hurt, "It's me Sam. Are you there man?"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Callen yelled

The agents looked at one another worried and confused.

"G? We're not gonna hurt you." Sam said.

"Sure!" Callen sneered "like you didn't kill my parents or my wife."

"What? " Sam was confused and he rounded the corner to look Callen straight in the eye.

G scrambled backwards in fear and raised his gun, his hand shaking with the side effects of him coming down from his last hit.

"ALEC!" and voice shot through the dark, Sam's head turned to see where the voice was coming from. Callen took advantage of this and shot Sam, Though with his hand shaking so much his aim was off and Sam was hit in the shoulder.

Then all hell broke loose.

 


	6. Chapter 6

"Alec!" Boris yelled from his vantage point he couldn't see the NCIS agents and figured he'd get him out of there and move him before his team could get to him again.

The agents turned around and went towards the voice as Callen finally moved. Sam hoped that meant that Callen was coming with them, but he quickly realized Callen was moving into position to protect the man from them.

"Papa they're here RUN!" Callen yelled and started firing wildly not really caring or even being in a position to aim where he was firing.

Boris cursed to himself, as the NCIS agents moved into view. Kensi and Deeks trained their guns on him when they realised it was the man they had already had in for questioning over G's disappearance.

Callen burst through a stack of crates desperately trying to get to Boris to get him away before they killed him, as he fell, his gun went off and Boris was shot.

Callen screamed and ran towards Boris instantly forgetting the others and grabbing hold of him and trying to stem the blood flow.  _"Papa, papa...don't leave me!"_

The others pulled up sharply as Callen broke down in front of the man whom they knew wanted to kill him. The man they now knew had, had a hand in his abduction, and Callen was holding his head and rocking speaking softly to him in Russian with tears streaming down his face.

Sam put a hand on Callen's shoulder, "G?" he said softly

"NO. Leave him alone!" Callen jumped then his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he passed out his hands still clinging tightly to Boris' dead body.

An hour later G was still unconscious as doctors moved in to stitch up his wounds.

Hetty sat with the rest of the team in the waiting room waiting to see how Callen was.

Sam came in after getting his shoulder patched up.

"How's the shoulder Sam?" Mike asked concerned for his partner

"It'll heal" Sam said although he was mad that he had been shot he was also secretly glad Callen had been as whacked out as he was, Clear headed, Sam knew Callen could have killed him.

A doctor came out and caught their attention.

"How is he Doc?" Sam asked.

"He's still unconscious, we did an x-ray and an MRI on the head wound, and there is some residual bruising to the brain, the effect of this we won't know till he wakes up. We also ran a tox-screen on his blood. He had a large amount of heroin in his system we have started his on a Buprenorphine treatment programme. He has a few collapsed veins but his heart and liver are ok."

"Thank you doctor." Hetty said "Can we see him?"

"I would suggest just 2 of you for now so there aren't many people there when he wakes up."

Kensi turned to Sam "You and Hetty go in we will be right here."

Sam smiled at her and they headed into the room.

It wasn't bright in there G looked pale and cold laying on the bed with and I.V. in his arm and a heart monitor beeping, Hetty sat next to the bed and Sam took the chair further in.

"I don't get it?" Sam said to Hetty "He hates needles why would he take drugs?"

"I don't know Mr. Hanna," Hetty said quietly "Hopefully when awakes he can tell us."

"What the Hell did they do to him?" Sam said almost to himself.

Again with the beeping! Callen thought his head hurt his side hurt he groaned slightly realizing his throat was sore.

"Sveta?" He said quietly

Sam and Hetty looked at each other.

"G?" Sam said

That voice again, Callen's fight or flight response kicked in and his eyes shot open and he scrambled back of the bed and ended up huddled in a corner, his eyes tight shut hoping it was another nightmare.

" _Leave me alone!"_  he said in Russian " _Don't kill me"_  he whimpered too tired to fight anymore.

Sam looked confused

Hetty walked over to Callen and put a hand on his head, He flinched but she started whispering something to him in Russian and he calmed down.

"Mr. Hanna you need to leave the room," Hetty said quietly

"But!" Sam said and then saw Callen flinch as he heard his voice. He nodded and left.

Kensi's head came up as she saw Sam come out of the room. "Is he ok?" She asked full of concern.

"Kens... Sam's head dropped, He's Scared of me ,"Sam couldn't believe it, He'd never seen G scared of anything unless you counted doctors and needles, but to have his partner and best friend scared of him was more than Sam could take, "What did that bastard do to him?"

Kensi stood up and walked past towards the door, "I'm going in." She said and walked into his room.

Hetty was slowly helping G up from the floor.

"AH, Miss Blye, I could use a hand with...?" Hetty turned to G

"Alec." G said

Kensi started then slipped effortlessly into his side and helped him up. Whatever was going on with G he obviously thought he was someone else and making him run wouldn't help heal him. Kensi got it immediately as Hetty nodded in her direction.

"My name's Kensi." She said as she helped him on the bed. There were a few unshed tears in her eyes but she held them back, now wasn't the time for that.

" _Alec_." Hetty said in Russian " _I need to talk to your doctor, I will be back and you will be safe here with Kensi."_

Callen nodded and relaxed back on the bed and closed his eyes.

Hetty walked outside to inform the other agents of what she had discovered; she would fill Kensi in later.

"Mr. Hanna," She put a comforting hand on his uninjured shoulder. "It appears Mr. Callen has suffered some memory loss and thinks his name is Alec Boysyuk. From what I can gather he thinks he's from the Ukraine and that you killed his parents."

"What!" Sam was mortified that G in any state would hate him or be scared of him.

"I have called Nate back to see if he can help in getting Mr. Callen's memory back, Right now it is going to be a really tough journey for him, and I'm sorry but until he sees Nate you can't see him."

Sam nodded sadly, he hated not being able to be there for G, but he at least could go back to ops and help Eric dig up what they could about what had happened.

"I'll come with, "Mike said he figured G wouldn't want him around right now either.

But G was safe and now they had to start helping rebuild his life.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

Sam walked into Ops with Mike, Nell looked up expectantly "How is he?" she asked.

"He's awake, but has some memory loss," He said. Nell bit her lip some tears starting to come in her eyes, but she turned back to her computer.

"What do you need?" She asked.

"Eric caught him on camera at the corner of beach drive and Manhattan I need to know where else he's been."Mike asked.

"He's been using the name Alec Boysyuk; See what you can dig up on that." Sam Said

"On it," Nell said secretly please she had something to occupy her mind.

Hetty was worried.

Nate was due to land in a few hours and having talked to the doctors no one could tell her how long this amnesia would last, or how come he seemed to have a completely fabricated back history. Hetty knew all of Callen's past legends she knew about Alec Boysyuk and that he had been a past alias, but for some reason, he had taken this on fully and even added creations she hadn't known about.

All she could think was that Boris Ivanovitch had added the back story to mess with Callen's head.

But finding out that Callen thought Boris was his adoptive father and that Sam had killed his parents, had really thrown her. Although she knew she couldn't let on, she did care about Callen more than the others.

She walked back into his room and Kensi straightened up in the chair she had been resting in.

"How's he doing?" She asked quietly.

"They had to sedate him," Kensi said with a wry smile, "He kept trying to hit the doctors, and they think its withdrawal symptoms."

Every once in a while G would stir and say something in his sleep in Russian, Mostly it was the name Sveta but other times it was words that Kensi just didn't know.

"Who's Sveta?" Kensi asked Hetty, Hetty sat in the chair opposite from Kensi, "According to Mr. Renko, Sveta was the woman he shot when they found Mr. Callen." She explained softly.

"Any idea when Nate'll get here?" Kensi asked.

"About an hour his plane just landed." Hetty told her.

Kensi sat back and closed her eyes just for a second before they had to start up again.

Then her phone rang, "Kensi." She said answering it before it woke Callen

"Hey Kensi, its Nell how is he?" She asked.

"Still sleeping, Nate'll be here soon and then we can find out where we stand." Kensi replied, She heard Nell sigh, "Don't worry I'll keep you updated"

"Thanks Kensi I...We appreciate it" Nell said

Kensi smiled to herself as she put the phone down. Poor Nell had been going out of her mind with worry since Callen had gone missing; she hadn't realized that she had taken his disappearance so personally until Kensi had caught her on the roof crying one day.

It had been her lunch break and she had made arrangements to meet Nell and try out the new Italian restaurant in town. She had been nowhere to be seen so Kensi had asked Eric, "I think she went to the roof for fresh air." Kensi nodded to Eric and hurried to the roof. She opened the door to the roof and found Nell sitting on a deckchair looking out over L.A.

"Are you ok?" She had asked her

"He's out there somewhere," She sniffed" Why can't we find him?"

"I'm sure when he wants to be found he will be or he will get in touch with us somehow"

Nell looked up at Kensi her eyes were red like she had been crying for a long time. "I just wish I could find him." She said

Kensi looked at her she was amazed that Nell had taken it all to heart. "It's not your fault you know."

Nell gave a sad smile, and they left for lunch together.

Nate met Hetty outside in the corridor; he still had his travelling clothes on and looked dusty and tanned. He had just met with the doctor who had given him an appraisal of Callen's situation.

"Ok Hetty, The doctors have agreed for me to go in and talk to him." Nate looked at her seriously worried, "The usual thing is to rebuild the subject's memories from what we know about their pasts. In the case of Callen it may be harder as we don't know allot about his past."

"I have a file of what we know about his past, I hope it helps." Hetty said.

Nate took the file and scanned it. Right I'll see if he's awake and get started.

Nate ushered Kensi out of the room and shut the door behind him.

Callen was awake and sitting up, as Nate walked in Callen gave him a hard look.

"Hi," Nate smiled "My name is Nate Getz, I work with you sometimes as an Operational Physiologist,"

"I'm sorry, I don't..." Callen said Nate was surprised that Callen was speaking with a Russian accent, and he looked broken, as if all the fight had been taken out of him.

Nate smiled kindly at him, "ok let's start by telling me your name."

"Alec, but every one here keeps calling me other names." He said confused and tired.

"That's because you lost your memory, I'm here to help you get it back. We all know you as

And we have worked with you for 7 years"

"But I remember my parents and...Sveta?" he was confused and it hurt to say her name

Nate could see the pain behind his eyes but knew he needed to push, "This is what we know about you." Nate said and gave Callen his file.

Callen took it and read it. "That's it?" he asked incredulously "You expect me to believe this you haven't even put my first name on here, just and initial!"

Nate sighed he knew this was going to be hard. "And you expect me to believe I don't know who my parents are, I mean I know they are dead but Boris and Olga took me in. I KNOW this!"

"Callen...I know..."Nate started

"MY NAME IS ALEC!" Callen shouted.

"Fine Alec, for now we'll use that, I need you to meet the rest of your team one by one I'll introduce them to you"

"NO!" Callen realized that meant seeing him again. "Not Sam, I know him he killed my parents I WON'T see him"

"You remember Sam?" Nate asked confused.

"My Papa, Told me about him."

"Ok, "Nate said calming him down, "We will start with Hetty all you need to do is to listen to their memories of you."

Nate walked out as Hetty turned to him, "He won't see Sam," He said "Just tell him what you know of him personal memories see if it jogs anything."

Nate sat down outside as Nell turned up, "Nell!" Nate said and he perked up.

"Welcome back." Nell smiled and hugged him. "Have you seen him yet?" she asked fearfully

"Yes, It's not good, He really believes he is Alec, and we have to shake his foundations and remind him of who he is," Nate stated simply.

Hetty came out "He's asleep again." She said, "He seemed to be responding though" she said hopefully

"Can I pop in?" Nell asked,

"Sure, don't wake him up though" Nate warned smiling.

Nell walked in the room, Hetty had pulled the blinds so it was dimly lit in there, and she walked up to Callen's sleeping form and stroked his face.

"Nell?" He said in his sleep.

Nell ran out to Nate, "He said my name in his sleep"

Nate nodded "The memories are there we just need to get them. As you're the first one he has remembered would you stay till he wakes up?"

Nell glanced at Hetty her heart jumping up into her throat; she wanted nothing more than to be there.

"I think, Miss Jones that, that would be a good idea." Hetty stated simply.

Callen awoke as more memories started flooding through his brain, mostly of a small red headed girl, with beautiful eyes and a smile to match. He smiled to himself as the memory of her warmth came back to him.

Suddenly there were lots of memories of Sam the fun times they had, had together and how much he had thought of him as family. Then it hit him, HE HAD SHOT HIS BEST FRIEND!

This scared him more than anything else had, that and the fact that he now had 2 sets of memories competing for space within his brain.

He had to get out of here, what if Sam wanted revenge? And that Renko guy had killed Sveta he had loved her, that wasn't a lie.

He unplugged the I.V. and put on some sweats that were on the chair.

He then walked over to the door and heard people talking; his eyes swept the room like a trapped animal searching for a way out.

There was a sound of breaking glass and Nate, Hetty and Nell rushed into Callen's room, but it was too late he had gone.

 


	8. Chapter 8

The only thought running through his brain right now was run.

Everything would be ok if only he could just get away and run.

This was rapidly being replaced by a need stronger than anything, he needed a hit, he needed to just check out for a few hours, he needed peace.

The only place he could think to go was Jimmy's corner and he was relieved to find Jimmy as usual standing there waiting for someone to score from him.

Callen walked up behind him, "Hey, Jimmy."

"Oh my God, Alec are you ok? I got hauled in by the cops they're looking for you" He said concerned Jimmy still figured Alec was a good guy at heart and really liked him.

"I need..." Callen collapsed against the wall just trying to get his breath back

"I know mate" Jimmy just said and readily gave him a supply of Heroin.

Callen looked at it and let the feeling of relief wash through him.

* * *

At the hospital Nell was going out of her mind with worry.

Nate was talking to the doctors, whilst Hetty called Eric and got him to use the hospital security camera's to follow Callen to see where he had gone.

"We've got him leaving the grounds and have been following him the last camera he was seen on was an ATM at Chase bank on Manhattan drive; I've sent the updates to Sam and Kensi so they can intercept him." Eric told her.

"Very good Mr. Beale," Hetty said

* * *

Jimmy helped Callen up just as two cars pulled up.

"Alec, Cops!" he yelled

Callen broke into a run as Sam and Kensi went in one direction and Deeks and Renko went another way to try and cut him off.

All four of them met up at the back of the alley.

"Damn!" Sam said "Where the Hell is he?"

Callen watched them for a moment before settling back on the roof of the warehouse they were standing in front of.

He just needed time and he wished they would leave him alone to sort it out.

He tied the tourniquet around his arm and shot up. He felt the burn and then the peaceful release as he had those few moments to think.

* * *

"Eric?" Sam said as he heard Eric swear in his earwig

"I've got him, He's on the roof of the warehouse your outside, but he's just shot up."Eric said.

"No."Kensi said under her breath, not wanting to believe that Callen would willingly take drugs.

"I'll call Nate," Sam said "G's not going anywhere and I need to talk to him before we do anything."

Nate took the call and advised them to take it slowly and when they had him, to take him to the boathouse as that was more secure than the hospital as he was out of immediate danger.

Sam walked out of the door on the roof of the warehouse to find G sitting there with a gun in his hand.

"G?" he said.

Callen looked at him with a look that was so empty and destroyed that Sam hoped that he would never have to see on another human being ever.

"I'm Sorry." Callen said

"For what!" Sam said annoyed and then backed off a Callen flinched.

"They say...you're my friend...but...I shot you."Callen picked the gun up and took the safety off and turned it towards himself. "I can't do this anymore."

"G, WAIT!" Sam didn't dare move.

A few seconds passed in silence, Sam felt like it was an eternity, all the while knowing Eric was watching and he didn't want these to be Callen's last moments and he definitely didn't want them on the screen at ops.

"Why." Callen asked simply.

"You have a life, a good one; you have loads to live for." Sam breathed a bit easier as he saw Deeks creeping up behind Callen.

"No I don't." Callen said, his voice sounding utterly defeated, and went to pull the trigger.

Just as Deeks hit him round the back of the head with the gun knocking him out cold.

Sam collapsed to his knees thankful to whatever God was out there that Deeks had gotten to him in time.

"Thanks" Sam said.

Deeks let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding

"Come on Sam, Let's take him home." Deeks Said.

* * *

At the boathouse Nell, Sam and the rest of the team sat around a desk waiting whilst Nate checked on G who was still unconscious and restrained on a bed in the interrogation room.

Nate walked up and they all turned to him.

"I've administered the Buprenorphine and his head is just bruised "Nate said calmly "When he wakes up I'll start talking to him again, this time he is not to be left alone."

"Nell, he remembered you first maybe you should be with him when he wakes up." Hetty said.

Nell smiled for what everyone realised was the first time since Callen had gone missing, and went in to sit by his bed.

"Am I missing something? " Deeks asked

"Always," Kensi replied but didn't elaborate on it. She just smiled and went to get some coffee, "Come on Deeks we'll do the coffee and doughnut run." And they headed out.

Sam looked at Hetty and Nate and took a deep breath. "Are we ever gonna get him back?" He asked somewhat fearful of the answer.

"It looks hopeful, Callen just needs to sort out what he remembers that is real and what he was told that is fake. " Nate paused, "I'm just not sure how long it will take as we can't give him memories of his family and his life as we don't have that much to go on."

In the interrogation room Callen stirred and Nell sat up beside him and held his hand.

"I know you." Callen said

Nell smiled and let out a small sob. "You do," She replied hopefully.

"Nell...Your name is Nell and you're important." He said simply

Nell smiled "Yes Callen." She stroked his face as he fell asleep again.

In the other room Nate looked at Hetty and Sam, "Is there something going on I should know about." He asked.

"Mr. Callen and Miss Jones have been involved in a relationship for about a year prior to his going missing." Hetty stated.

"What!" Sam was incredulous "No way. I would have known."

"When I talked to Miss Jones, just after he went missing, she told me that Mr. Callen hadn't wanted to let anyone know so as not to affect team dynamics and I was quite happy about that." Hetty replied.

"Not to affect team dynamics...! " Sam almost laughed. "We would have been happy for him"

"I know Mr. Hanna, but given Mr. Callen's past maybe you can understand that he had something good and apparently in his words he didn't want to 'jinx' it".

Sam nodded smiling he could understand that. He turned to watch G and Nell on the monitor. Now he could see it in the way she was with him, but he berated himself, he was a trained professional and should be able to spot things like that. He decided when G got better he was gonna kick his ass.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Nate walked in as Callen sat up holding Nell's hand but still in restraints.

"How are you feeling?" Nate asked.

"My head a bit clearer, but I'm confused. It's like I'm two people in one head. Am I going insane?" Callen asked holding his breath afraid of the answer.

"No, G, you've been through a traumatic experience and if you'll trust me I will help you sort out your real memories from the implanted ones." Nate told him.

Callen looked at Nell for reassurance, but he was afraid of hurting he when he asked the next question "Will I remember everything from before, will I...Will I remember all about Nell and how we were."

"What do you remember now? "Nate asked curiously.

"I remember her, how her hair smells when I hug her and how she felt in my arms, she fitted perfectly and I remember that she is important." He took a deep breath" I know I love her but that hurts."

Nell squeezed his hand supportively, but silently her heart broke at that sentence and the one that followed.

"But I also remember Sveta, and I loved her ...and...and the baby" Callen said and tears fell from his eyes.

"The baby?" Nate asked confused.

"She was...we were..." Callen couldn't finish the sentence he looked at Nell "I'm sorry," He said simply.

She smiled weakly to let him know it was ok.

"Do you want me to leave?" She asked him.

"No!" he held onto her hand tighter "Don't go." He knew she was real and if he let go her was afraid he would lose himself again, "I...I need you here." He stated.

Nate looked at them both realizing how much Callen needed her and it warmed him to finally hear him say that he needed someone.

"Callen, you know I don't think I've ever heard you say that you needed anyone." He said smiling.

"Am I that bad a person, that I didn't need anyone?" he asked "or did no one ever need me?" he said quietly.

"I need you don't forget that!" Nell exclaimed" Your Team, We all do."

Callen smiled at that and then grimaced as another need took hold. Nate spotted it "OK it's time for your treatment" he pressed a button and an automated dose of Buprenorphine was administered into his system. Callen closed his eyes and went to sleep.

"Come on." Nate said quietly to Nell, "He'll be out for a few hours you need to get some sleep"

Nell nodded and followed him out.

* * *

"So what do you think?" Hetty asked Nate.

"So for the only thing he totally remembers with any certainty is Nell and he's using that as a life line to help...well basically to help real himself in to reality." Nate said knowing the metaphor was shaky but they would get his meaning. "The biggest stumbling blocks we have are Sam and Renko, He needs to see them and get through any emotions he has about them, Sam is his partner and Renko is his friend he needs to get back to that." Nate knew it had to be done but what silently worried as to which way it would push Callen's fragile psyche.

"I'll arrange for them to get here as soon as possible" Hetty said and made a call.

* * *

"So are we getting anywhere?" Sam asked annoyed at having to wait until he could talk to Callen.

"we are getting there, the doctor should be round soon." Nate said

Sam looked concerned "You've brought a doctor to the boatshed?"

"And a private nurse, both have clearance" Nate explained.

Nate turned to Nell, "I don't know how strong your relationship with Callen is but you need to be there for him through this. He may bring up things that are hard for you to hear, but he didn't know who you were or who he was. More than anything you mustn't be seen to be judging him."

Nell eyes widened "I would never judge him, Yes, It hurt to hear about Sveta but, I have...we have him back and that's ALL that matters, well, that and keeping him here."

* * *

Callen woke up alone.

The room was dark and he wasn't sure where he was, His head hurt and he was shaking and felt sick. He tried leaning over the edge of the bed and started panicking when he realised he was tied down.

Nate turned and ran for Callen's room as he heard a crash with Hetty and Nell hot on his heels, they came in to find Callen thrashing around on the bed having convulsions and trying to untie himself at the same time.

"LET ME GO!" he screamed at the top of his lungs and then collapsed back onto the bed as another wave of pain overtook him, He felt as if his body was on fire and he could feel every nerve ending in his body. Then he was sick.

The nurse came rushing in and quickly administered another shot of Buprenorphine, Callen quickly quietened and the nurse cleaned him up.

"Callen, your ok we are all here, your safe." Nell told him.

His breathing calmed as he grabbed Nell's hand "Please..." he whispered "Take them off." A tear fell from the corner of his eye.

"We can't" Nell said "Not till you're safe"

Callen's eyes darted around the room at that and Nell realized she had said the wrong thing.

Nate stepped up.

"You are safe, G, Just not from yourself right now, we are making sure you don't hurt yourself"

"I just want this to be over" Callen's eyes fell and the meds kicked in and he relaxed back on the bed.

"Are you up for doing some more then," Nate asked him avoiding using the word therapy.

Callen nodded, he figured the sooner it was over then they would let him go.

"We need to talk about Sam." Nate stated

"NO." Callen clammed up and turned his head away. In his mind he knew he was his friend, he had a feeling of warmth when thinking about Sam, which turned into despair as he remembered shooting him. He knew that the feeling for Sam he had meant that Sam hadn't killed his parents he had figured out that was true but the guilt he felt threatened to overwhelm him.

Nate knowing Callen so well sat there and watched the different emotions flitting across his face each one lasting less than a second until he had them covered. "You know Sam doesn't blame you for shooting him," Nate said.

"He should." Callen said

Nate let out and exasperated breath with Callen getting anything out of him was always like pulling teeth.

"Well I don't" Sam said as he put his head round the door

Callen stiffened as a feeling of panic overwhelmed him and he pushed it down, Sam was...is his friend, he felt even more guilty as he knew the initial panic has hurt his friend but Sam wiped the image of pain off his face almost immediately.

Sam took a chair and sat near Callen but not too close as to scare him.

"We are ok G." He said "I just want my partner back and well."

"Me too." Callen confessed under his breath but Nate caught it and smiled.

Apparently Hetty had heard too "That Mr. Callen is what we all want."

Callen kept giving Sam furtive looks over the next hour torn between wanting to know if he was still there and to make sure he was safe. Also he figured it would help lessen the panic in his chest.

But through the whole session of Nate talking to him he kept his hand clasped with Nell 'just in case' he thought to himself. Eventually Nate realizing Callen was lost in his own thoughts stopped speaking.

"I need to leave for a bit." Nell said to Callen

"Ok," Callen said his eyes sad, just as Nell got to the door she heard him say "please come back though"

Nell ran back and kissed him "I'll be an hour and I WILL come back."

Callen nodded and relaxed and allowed himself to sleep for a little while.

* * *

Sam, Nate and Hetty regrouped in the lounge whilst Nell went to freshen up and get something to eat. Renko caught up to them all.

"So how's he doing?" Renko asked

Renko nodded "Do you still need me?" he asked.

"Yes," Nate stated as hard as this was going to be Callen needed to see Renko and get past what had happened. For Callen, Nate knew this was going to be harder than him seeing and trusting Sam.

Nate went back into Callen's room and talked to his doctor "How's he doing doc?" Nate asked him

"Well, Mr Callen is doing better, He is almost weaned off the Heroin, and the withdrawal symptoms have died down considerably. We would like to take him out of the restraints now, if that's acceptable to you?" The doctor asked.

"I think so; He seems to be in no danger of running away." Nate replied.

An hour later, Nell was back and Callen was awake.

Nate walked in "I see your out of your restraints , I hope this means your not going to be jumping out of anymore windows?"

"No, I've seen enough to know you guys are telling me the truth and I couldn't leave now even if I wanted to. Callen said and glanced at Nell, Who smiled back at him.

"Now, Callen there is something we have to work on." Nate said

Callen turned this didn't sound good..."What?" he asked worried.

"There's another member of the team you need to meet."

"Who?" Callen was confused he'd met Deeks and Kensi and Sam as far as he could remember that was all his team.

"Me," Mike Renko said with a feeble grin as he came into the room, "Remember me?"

Callen's face clouded with rage.

"You son of a bitch, you shot her!" Callen yelled pulling Nate's gun from out of the holster on his hip and pointed it at Renko.

 


	10. Chapter 10

G levelled the gun at Renko as the others stood up in shock.

Renko raised his hands "Callen, I didn't know... I'm sorry." He said calmly

"I should kill you." Callen said.

"I thought I was rescuing you," Renko explained, "She had a gun and was pointing it at me."

"She was protecting me!" Callen spat venomously

"We thought she was holding you prisoner, how could we have known, we just wanted you back." Sam said as he moved in-between Mike and Callen.

"I just wanted my partner and best friend back" Sam said quietly.

Callen shook as he held the gun. Nate took a step back and studied him watching as his friend went through the final big hurdle in his mind. Callen dropped the gun and curled himself into a ball and just rocked.

Nate ushered everyone out of the room and waited as he knew Callen's mind was sorting things out.

"Nate?" Came a quiet voice

"I'm here." He said simply.

"Why?" Callen asked

"Because we are your friends and family and we would not be anywhere else when you need us." Nate affirmed.

Callen groaned as he went through the last few months in his head, "Oh my God, Nate, what I did..."

"Was NOT your fault...you didn't know and NO ONE is blaming you."

"Did I...Just pull a gun on Mike?" Callen asked

"Yes G." Nate said. There was no blame or accusation in his voice just acceptance and the unspoken promise that Callen could talk to him freely and safely.

"I did love Sveta...that was real," Callen allowed himself to cry, "But everything else, even how I met her and that we were married was a lie?"

Nate nodded 'finally a breakthrough' he thought to himself.

"Why would they do this to me?" Callen asked.

"From what we gathered when you were in the Ukraine you killed Boris' son Vladimir and ever since then he's wanted revenge" Nate said reading from the file in his hand.

"Well I hope he's at peace now," Callen said even knowing what he knew now he could not stop the spark of affection he still held of him, he grimaced trying to push it away.

"Boris was a sick man," Nate said "What he did to you will fade in time, don't blame yourself for the feelings he brings up in you. It's perfectly normal"

Callen smirked "What, exactly, about this is normal."

"You tell me." Nate waited as Callen thought about what to say

Callen dropped his head and shoulders.

"I hate thinking he won." Callen said at last.

"He didn't win," Nate said "You're here, you know what's real and what isn't, you know who you are, and you have your friends back...YOU WON!"

Callen raised his head and finally looked Nate in the eye with trust.

Nate knew then, that they finally had their Callen back and although he had some bridge building left to do and some healing to finish, the hardest work was finally over.

* * *

The others came in slowly two at a time and Callen with Nell and Nate by his side made his peace with them.

Eventually it was just Nell and Nate in the room.

"Thank you," Callen said to Nate, "For not giving up on me, and for coming back for me."

Nate smiled "I'll be here for a few more months until you're fully ready to go back to work,

"Months?" Callen asked.

"Yes, Mr. Callen" Hetty said as she entered the room, "And this time you will take your time and recover.

Callen nodded even he could understand that he needed time to heal.

Suddenly Callen's head snapped up. "I need to see Sam." He said. "Can I see him alone without the surveillance." He asked

Nate nodded and Sam came in.

"You ok G?" Sam asked.

"I need to know something." Callen said, Sam sat down and waited while Callen figured out how to ask his friend the thing that he felt, had been bugging him since he got his memory straight.

"Did you look for me; I mean after everyone else stopped...did you look for me?"

"Never stopped man," Sam said honestly he had looked for him on his off days and every spare chance he had, had.

"I wanted to kill you, when I shot you." Callen said quietly

"I'm lucky you're a lousy shot, G." Sam replied with a wry smile.

"I still feel something ...I don't know what, I know your my friend and I know I can trust you but, "

"Hey, man, don't worry about it we're good"

Callen smiled, "Yeah, we're good"

"Good" Sam smiled ..."Now about you and Nell" he grinned

Time for an ass kicking.


End file.
